hello again! today's been a little less stressful.

if it wasnt obvious from my poem.... i am worried about being pregnant! what a joy. i doubt i am because pregnancy tests came up negative a few days ago.... exactly 3 weeks after 'conception'.... and people say that's definitive... but i'm not going to stop worrying till my period comes back.

(well, it was the pullout method and i took an ellaone pill like 3 hours after..... and the tests were the more sensitive ones and were digital, so theres no confusion about the result....... auuawiajsidsaufrshgyuohefipajwdoak[pscmjnbguhskgie9ti0awo IM GONNA KILL MYSELF)

lately i've been thinking about cosplay. im going to miku expo in october (only way you will get me down to london.)

i'm too fat though. i'm a healthy weight, about 50 kg at 158 cm... but still, i feel a little chubby when i'm just average... and my boyfriend told me he loves my body the most as it is now, so i can't even lose weight...

i haven't been to a convention for years. wouldn't know how things have changed since covid. but it'd be cool to do silly things and meet new people...

it'd be weird having to try and be careful and clean with stuff (like cosplay makeup, taking care of the clothes) though since im going to work in the animal industry cleaning out shit and stuff. i guess i need to be more girly every now and then.

i do cosplay in my own house every now and then but i only send the pictures to my boyfriend. recently i bought a sailor fuku that im gonna try and modify into a rena ryuugu cosplay (this is me being delusional, i won't ever get round to doing it) but it's a little big on me. even though it's a jp size m it's too big, but i bought an expensive kagamine rin cosplay in size s and it was too small....!

having that s be too small for me ended up making my body dysmorphia worse and almost made me relapse into starving myself. i'm lucky i have such a supportive and loving boyfriend (who actually likes my body... erections don't exactly lie.)

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